In 1967 when I was 9 years old, watching Rex Humbard on television, I heard God tell me that I was going to do that! I knew He meant that I'd preach the Word of God. In my ignorance, I thought I'd be a teenage evangelist. Wrong! I asked for a Bible for Christmas and began to read it like my life depended upon it! Then I was baptized in the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues....
The family was grounded and rooted in the Baptist church and I thank the Lord for their perseverance to preach a pure, unwavering gospel. My Father was baptized in the Holy Spirit at a Full Gospel Businessmen's meeting and then we started attending a full gospel Pentecostal church and what wonderful times we had there. All the while I was so sick I could hardly stand it. Cystic Fibrosis. They say I had it all along, but was misdiagnosed until I was 33 years old. When they discovered it, immediately oxygen and a wheelchair were prescribed. How odd it was to me, that just because they knew what it was, NOW they had the answer for me. The Doctors said I was some sort of a miracle, because CF patients didn’t generally live past 15 years old back then. However, to me, this miracle was only “warm” like the miracle of the Shunamite’s son in 2 Kings 4. He was warm, but still dead and that wasn’t good enough. Through perseverance and prayer and a knowing what God had promised, the boy rose up from his death bed alive. Not warm, but a heated 98.6 degrees. I wanted my miracle boiling, not merely warm. Being told I was a miracle because I was alive didn’t do anything for me! I remained so sick it was almost impossible at times to breathe and the constant pain never let up. I knew it was God’s way of being faithful to me until it was time for Him to usher in the fulfillment of the promise to me. He was keeping me alive. He was keeping me so I could get ready to carry the next miracle of abundant health and ministry that He would bring. Sometimes being "kept alive" doesn't feel all that great, but we cannot fight against the One who made us and is keeping us!
All of the mistreatments from the well-intentioned medical field were aggravating the condition. Many complications came from that. My body became so run down that my immune system could do nothing to help. I had psoriasis all over my scalp and it bled almost continually. And ITCHED! My ear canals collapsed, infected. Sinus infections, lost the vision in my left eye. Lost the hearing in my left ear. Weird germs in my blood. Bronchiactasis (which destroys your lung and tries to get it to collapse, after it has made you cough up blood and green junk for years..., then it wants to kill you) Bronchitis, lung and a variety of respiratory infections. Severe and debilitating Pleurisy, Emphysema, Pneumonia, Strep throat, Tonsillitis, Pharyngitis, Laryngitis........ .we could go on, but why? My body would not easily respond to antibiotics, so I stayed sick. You see, I had all of these things, almost continually and at the SAME TIME (except for the Laryngitis, which came and went.) There was nothing the specialists could do. I was on steroids and antibiotics more than I was off, for three decades. All that was beyond the Cystic Fibrosis. Specialists from San Francisco to Los Angeles, Arizona and all places in between. God says "keep holding on I'm coming." The doctors in their compassion and expertise did the best they could, but there wasn't much more to be done. I refused to sit down because I thought if I did, I'd never get up again, so in His strength, only in His strength, I kept "getting up." Most days I didn't tip over, but some days I did! Looking back on it, this was all such a huge miracle.
When I first found out the news, I had my grandmother with me, "Grandmere" we called her, and I asked her not to tell anyone because I didn't want sympathy and boundaries. People were used to thinking I just had weak lungs and I surely didn't want them to have cause to "tie me down" when I knew it was God's very mercy why I could get up and it was literally keeping me alive by keeping the "push" in me. I was counting on God to get me up every day and I didn't want that to change! Grandmere and I had our "special secret" and she was a dear treasure to me, who the earth lost its privilege to see in 1997. She was a continual source of encouragement and private consolation. A true friend.
I remember one time when I had Laryngitis, I was scheduled to preach at 6:00 PM and I could barely speak above a faint and stuttering whisper. The pastor was all shook up and pacing around. I wrote out, "What's the matter with you?" He looked at me like I was crazy, and said, "What do you mean? You can't talk and you're supposed to preach!" I asked him what time it was and he said ten minutes to six. I chuckled and wrote down, "What are you worried about, God's got ten minutes and He only needs about two!" I spoke, then prayed for people for about four hours afterwards. My voice was loud and clear, then I went home and my voice went away again. The pain returned and I was generally miserable above normal for about three weeks. He could have given me my miracle, but it wasn't time yet. I'll admit, I had hurt feelings and was disappointed that night. I would find out that there would be many days like that ahead. I had to come to the understanding that the Lord knew what he was doing. It's that whole TRUST THING! Would I trust Him even when it looks like He was unfaithful? I learned during those years to first, know what God says. Then believe for it, not because you want it, but because He said it. God won’t be manipulated by our wants or desires. We are healed, in His time and in His way! I learned to not look at how it appears, but to look at how God sees it and how it looks in the spiritual realm. So often, it’s coming, as it was for Daniel, and we should never give up hoping until the day arrives.
Jesus always miraculously healed me, so, I was waiting! Settle in dear! Skiing accidents, internal bleeding, sprains, bone spurs, fibroids and all kinds of fun stuff, you know, you have your own stories! Jesus always healed me. But, all these weird things connected to Cystic Fibrosis, He wouldn't touch. I hurt so bad. The doctors said that the pain I had been going through was the equivalent of two or three heart attacks a day. The pain had been unbearable for about 15 years and I asked the Lord when I was 33 how much longer I would have to endure. He told me that He would heal me when I turned 40. Okay. Wait a minute I thought, that is SEVEN MORE YEARS. I went from "Okay" to "No Way" in a hurry!
By this time, I had married, gone to college and had my two beautiful children, Donny and Cynthia. I had a Master's Degree in Business Management, a degree in Law and was studying to become an Ordained Minister. I was preaching part-time and working full-time as a corporate consultant and college professor. I waited to get my Minister's license until last because the thought of it got me all excited and I knew the time was not for now. I didn’t want it to be harder than it had to be while I was waiting on the timing of God. I felt the time was coming..........but seven more years?!
Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus!"
The Lord knew something. He always does. My children needed me. Their Dad couldn’t raise them with me running around the country preaching. The Lord knew this and I am grateful that He did. I always tried to be home when they were home. Sometimes we’re sick and busy, lonely and hurting; but these children need raising! We don’t want our children’s memories to be of an absent or sickly parent. We must push through the pain and wait for God’s perfect timing to ensure their Godly heritage and good childhood memories. Parenting requires all the gifts of the Spirit. We must be a Teacher to them, patient and long-suffering. We must be an Apostle to them, able to create newness, hope and focus for their future. We must be an Evangelist to them, able to inspire them to greatness for the Glory of God and the benefit of those around them. We must be a Prophet to them. Able to discipline and disciple with a steadfast, firm hand; bathed in love and truth with power. We must be a Pastor to them. Able to listen, guide and encourage. There are so many things we must be for our children. Laying down and giving up is not one of those things. When you choose not to live your life in a sick bed, then it requires “Getting Up!”
I didn't get a miracle, I was living one! Sometimes, I'd just faint dead away. I remember one morning after making breakfast, I fainted and fell on the kitchen floor. I "came to" with my seven-year-old son praying for me and my six-year-old daughter covering me up with kitchen towels ....... didn't want me to get cold! You see, a miracle doesn't change you. It makes you feel a whole lot better, but it doesn't change your character. A process of healing will. Endurance and perseverance. Knowing there is victory in the end. When the end comes, doesn’t matter, it just matters who is walking into it with you. The end of your trial and trouble could be this very hour. It could be decades from now. Either way has got to be okay. I wonder if we trust He who is guiding us through time. I used to cry in my agony in the middle of doing God's work and beg for deliverance, but it was not to be, not yet. Oh to have a body that would not fight me all the time and hurt, I didn't know what that was.
Then we went broke. And we stayed broke for the next seven years. We lost most of everything. My husband was in two terrible accidents within a month of each other. He lost his business, couldn’t work. I got sicker. Jesus never left. I got to the place where I felt so bad for Jesus, having to go through all of that with us.
Preparation, Prayer and Pursuit. We must never give up on our quest to be prepared and chosen to carry the heart of the Father. Preparation is a huge key to paving the way for the Holy Spirit to have His way. God says in Ezekiel Chapter 22:30 “I sought for a man among them, that should make up the hedge and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it; but I found none.“ God helps us to prepare so that we might be worthy to stand in that gap and make a difference. The Lord also says in Isaiah 48:10 “Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver. I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction. Some furnaces are hotter and bigger than others, but it’s the attitude of going in that counts. Furnaces are like that, they cure attitudes! The furnace gives us the privilege of being Chosen. Matthew 20 says that “Many are called and few are chosen, because few are willing to endure whatever it is that God requires, furnace and all, in order to walk in a Chosen status. Enduring these things of life is how we make the choice to be chosen. Endurance is tough sometimes, but He makes us able. Paul told Timothy to “Endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.” We must, for He is counting on us to be faithful vessels of honor. It is our choice! God doesn’t point His finger and say “You are chosen and you are called.” We decide that by our behavior to his calling and heart.
To be “Called” in Matthew means to be “invited”. To be “Chosen” means to “accept that invitation and submit to the divine selection of it.” “Many” there means an innumerable amount. So, most everybody is called, but who will rise up and behave Chosen? If Christ is in you, then you can! Give Jesus your pain and disappointment, sickness and persecution and rise up to be His Choice.
At 12 years old, the prophetic gift began to arise and by the time I was 25, had caused me to suffer what I suppose was a lifetime of persecution because of it. I didn't care then, and don't care now. Tears then, passion now. They put me in the dungeon with Jeremiah lots of times. But the thing about that is, once you're there, you just start preaching to the rats and before you know it, they start to hear you! It’s okay and the Lord never left me. People did, but the Lord never did. He is a faithful and honorable God and friend.
Next, the doctor wanted to operate and take the lower portion of my left lung out. I would pray for others and they would walk away with their miracle manifesting all over them! Me? I would go home, cry in pain and cough up stuff that was 'walking away!' The Lord says, 'Don't tell me when and how to do what I'm going to do.' Okay. I got my lung removed along with a rib and a big chunk of my muscle. Recovery was a complete nightmare; full of complications that lasted almost two years. BUT, the Lord never left me. It's true, the pain and sickness hadn't left me, but neither did the Lord. I learned to trust Him more than I ever could have without the surgery. I didn't know what it was to feel good and I didn't know what it was not to have to "push" all the time. The ability to wait and trust was being perfected. Isaiah said that “those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength and mount up with wings of eagles...” I will spend the rest of my days living in this renewed strength! The Lord will always do what He says that He will do. We just have to show up and He will perform all that He has His heart set upon.
In the midst of this, my son fell and cracked his head. He was dead for 20 minutes and the Lord brought him back. He is perfectly well as I write this. It was like something out of the Old Testament. As I lay over him, it seemed as if Elijah was watching. I was provoked by the Holy Spirit to read the month before this happened like I never had before. I would go days without sleep to read the Bible. When he fell, I was so full of the Word that the Holy Spirit was able to deposit the Will of the Father right into me. No questions, just confidence in my God. My son rose up with a magnificent story of seeing the glory of the other side.
My daughter was healed of debilitating Asthma and a viral infection that was attacking the lymph system - no cure and two children had already died from it that she had spent a lot of time with. Fasted and prayed. Our God was entreated of us as in Ezra 8. That girl has been brought back three times now. She is a tremendous instrument of compassion and peace on this earth.
These were not your usual 'go and play nice' children. They were bullets. They needed a lot of creative energy directing them, loving, mentoring, disciplining and discipling them. I wanted six children. But, when I saw how "radical" mine were turning out, I thought I better hold up on that idea. “Good call” said the Doctor as he informed me that I shouldn’t have anymore because my body couldn’t hold up under it. I remember looking at my husband when the children chasing cows and jumping fences at three and four and saying, ”We did something wrong here. We are not making normal children. They have no fear.” The “no fear” has caused them to serve God with abandon. Even now, as they have grown and married, they are a continual source of amazement to me.
I was in the hospital many times and one particular time I was clinically dead for four minutes. Respiratory arrest. Yes, I saw glory and all that comes with it. The wonder of there, the tragedy of coming back. Oh............
We had people living with us during this time that we were trying help as they walked out their new found salvation. Seemingly hopeless, addicted and sick people: heroin addicts, alcoholics, satanists, mental patients……….. many came with overwhelming needs. I could not turn them away because the Lord was provoking me to go beyond what was comfortable for me. It took a lot of time and love and the Lord always showed up when we extended our hand in Christian fellowship. This went on for years. But me? I became sicker as they got well. God has not forgotten you just because it looks like He has. Our reality is different than His. Wait on Him. I was teaching or preaching three to four times a week, while sick and working, and you know what? The Lord will make you able to do what it is He has called you to do!
Then the satanists got mad. They chased me around and tormented me because some people they had claimed for their own found Jesus! This went on for eight years in the midst of some of my worst pain. But, the enemy's torments are nothing but a vapor compared to the love and protection of our Lord and Savior. Some people who had achieved "grand status" with the brotherhood of satan were now serving Jesus. These were people who had put their own children to death in the name of satan and now were redeemed. the Lord can do anything! I stood amazed as they went from "glory to glory" in Jesus. Their deliverance was hard for some of them because of their gross sins, but they all came to understand that Jesus loved them and He forgives. The brotherhood wanted their "heroes" back, but it was too late; they had fallen in love with Jesus! The brotherhood came after me like I was a true enemy at war. It started with small things like nasty notes and snakes in my mailbox. Then they got more creative by camping out around my house and a variety of other things over the years that I will spare you from. But, the Lord always protected me. They tried to kill my children (that doesn't seem to stick) and destroy my marriage. Love is stronger! They had pictures of my children at school and my husband at work. They even knew his traveling schedule. I had to send my children off to school fully trusting the Lord as the black Lincolns housing chanting satanists followed them to school. They couldn’t touch them because the angels of the Lord were abiding with them. God hears prayer. I was not going to take information from a satanist about how they are going to kidnap my children and respond to it as if it was truth and race my children off to school in fear, when the Lord was shouting Isaiah 54 to me “I will teach your children and great will be their peace!” We can’t act like we haven’t heard a truth just because it’s inconvenient to hear it. Truth is truth and the Word of God is truth! They always walked to school three blocks away and they would keep walking. Jesus was interceding for them for the Word says He is. Everyone and everything that comes against the Lord will fall and in the end, every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. Nobody can mess with that! As the Word says, The Lord will shut the mouth of the devourer for our sakes. The same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead is in me and in you!
Two weeks before I turned 40, some infections had gotten so bad that I was having trouble breathing worse than usual. My fever was raging and wouldn't stop. The fainting episodes were getting worse. The doctor was busy prescribing new medications and breathing equipment and things that look like death sentences to me. I had taken this stuff before, but as he was talking to me about a lung transplant on my remaining lung, something happened. I thought that he was lying to me. In fact, I almost called him a liar! He kept telling me about it and I said, "No. I'm done now, I'm leaving. It's time." He said to sit down and that we had to discuss this stuff. The longer I stayed in there, the sicker I felt. Then he started telling me that I had something wrong with my heart and that I had high blood pressure. "Get away from me!" I hadn't felt so bad in years. The more he spoke, the worse I felt. Then I got mad. I got raging mad at the devil. It was God rising up in me to deliver me. It was God, my almighty friend coming to say, “It’s enough!” It was not provoked by my pain, need, desire or hope. It was simply God saying in my soul “It is time, respond to me.” It was the devil himself speaking through that poor doctor. I had been a good patient for decades and done what I was told, but now my God had come to deliver me and I wasn't going to let anyone steal that from me. As I stormed out, he yelled down the hallway, “You’re going to come back here and listen to me.” I never did. The devil is a liar and he will try to steal from our God, whenever we allow it, because he is a thief by nature. Luke 1:45-47 “Blessed is she who believed, for there shall be a performance of those things that were told to her by the Lord...my soul doth magnify the Lord and my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Savior.” May we always believe!
As I fled from his office, I couldn't sing or dance. I couldn’t cry or shout. I couldn't even quote scripture. All I could do was whisper and gasp the name of Jesus. And that was enough. That's always enough. I got home and blasted my worship music and cried out to God from the depths of my heart in agony and silence for about 30 minutes and then I could breathe again. It was simply the enemy in that office, trying to get me to forget about the promise of God and fall into the horror of what the enemy had planned for me.
In Genesis, it is never recorded that Ishmael ever spoke a word in the desert place after he and his mother, Hagar, were sent out of Abraham’s camp. His mother cried aloud. But yet, when the angel of the Lord came, he said that he had come for Ishmael’s words. She was an Egyptian; Ishmael, was the seed of Abraham. Even though he arrived in an ill-gotten fashion, he was still the seed of Abraham and when we cannot even utter words, God will hear our heart and tend to our soul! The angel came for the unuttered words of the heart. And, he did for me also.
I now understood what it meant to "CONTEND FOR THE FAITH" as Jude speaks of. The key is to wait on God's timing. When God says, "not yet," we can be at peace with that and learn while in it, or argue with God and leave an ugly spiritual legacy. But, when God says "Let's Go!" We have to fight for that and hold on hard to it. Don't let anyone or anything steal what God has given you!
While I was waiting for my healing, I would usually get picked out of a crowded church service for prayer; I was always the one coughing and hacking and turning green. I was also the one that left with nothing or left after I was told that I wasn't healed because I "didn't have enough faith." Where do these guys come from? I had less faith when God healed me than when I was trying to get Him to heal me! But what the waiting and agony gave me was something I didn't have before... TRUST. I would wait on the edge of the world for Him now; if He said He’d be there! Something I thought I would do before, but I was wrong. A trust emerged within my faith and now I can see Him there and know what His desires are.
Two days before my 38th birthday, I had a dream that I was in heaven and the Lord came to me in a beautiful open field. Full of flowers and sweet things. Not unlike the place I had seen so many years before...
He came to me and put His hand on my head and said, "Starting right here and beginning now, I'm healing you; you will go and do the work for my Glory." He gave me Isaiah 35 as a token of His love, told me to study the lives of Jesus, Paul and Elisha then I woke up. I immediately knew that something was different. I had to go to bed with a heating pad on my chest to help the pain of the disease and infection and an ice pack over my eye, where my continual sinus infection would cause my eye socket to swell. My lung still hurt, but my scalp had dried up blood on it and my eye wasn't hurting anymore. I jumped out of bed and started to shout, "He's done it. Jesus has done it!" It took a couple of years to be completely healed. But I could feel His power and presence moving on me every day as I held firm in what I believed and fought the enemy while rejoicing in the Lord. It began at the top of my head where the Lord touched me and slowly came down my body, through my ears, sinus, throat, my lung and so on. Sometimes the Lord passes out miracles that have an instant manifestation; however, this one was different. He chose a different path, a process of healing and I take pleasure in that, knowing it's His design. May we embrace who He is in every situation.
I am healed. The Cystic Fibrosis and all the symptoms and complications of it are gone. Sometimes, I feel so good, I forget that the human body does have limitations. At first, I felt guilty for feeling good. Not anymore! What a thrill to sit near a barbecue and not choke on the smoke or end up in bed with a horrible infection for a week because of it. What a thrill to pray for people, go home and cry over the greatness of God toward them instead of having to fight hell to breathe.
The Lord is so able and faithful. As Joseph said in Genesis 50, it is still true today, "What the enemy meant for evil, God means for good!"
Listen, the devil is a fighter. When God heals you, fight for that. Contend for the Faith! Hear what the Lord has for you and then believe for it. Sometimes people die from sickness. Just because you are sick, doesn’t mean you will be well. It means that the Lord is in charge and we must love and trust Him in all these things. It means the Lord wants you to draw near to Him and hear the truth of what He intends to do. We must be brave and able to trust Him. If we adore Him as we should, we shall not be afraid, but instead shout with Job “Though you slay me, yet I will trust you…” Elisha died of a sickness and Jarius’ daughter was raised from the dead. Only God knows what He will do and if we are careful to hear Him without our own fears and agendas running us; we will know truth and He will give us the power to walk in that truth and be strong in Him until He accomplishes it for His Glory! We must not seek a miracle, but instead seek His heart and that is the greatest miracle of all; walking hand in hand with our God!
Because I was so used to pushing myself, after I was healed in 1996, I needed to learn how to "Be Still". So, before the ministry began in a full-time way, the Lord asked me to "sit at His feet". I was to read my Bible eight hours per day, worship and pray for three hours per day. I have never been offered more free vacations in my life as during that time! This continued for six months while I watched my house go into foreclosure and lifetime friends walk away. When you put your life on "hold", some people think you are crazy. Work was calling, ministry was calling, I had to say "No" to all of it. I finally took my phone off the hook and had my husband and children answer it in the evening. I was very much unavailable.
After full-time ministry began and I was keeping a relentless traveling schedule, then the Lord asked me to attempt a 40 day water fast. Of course, my first thought was, "Now, why couldn't You have asked me that when I was sitting in my bedroom by myself saying 'No' to everything for that six months way back then?!" The resounding answer came, "Because that would have been too easy!" Obedience usually requires a sacrifice. In fact, the Lord made the fast easy. It was difficult for the first week, but He so empowered me that all the "meal meetings" that ministry required of me became a wonderful gift that I could offer to Him. Water became sweet and He showed me His true tenderness during that time. I broke out with blisters and boils all over, especially on the bottom of my feet, which made ministry a bit of a challenge, but He covered me, as usual! My skin itched, my tongue and throat swelled, then I started bleeding. It lasted for half of the fast and never let up. It seemed like after the first week, when all the hunger had past these symptoms came as if the devil was shouting at me that I couldn't do it! Well, it was the first time the devil was right. I couldn't do it, but in Christ, I knew that I could because He would do it for me. We did not finish, we finished well, to Him be the glory!
During that fast, I learned elements of the Spirit that will keep teaching me for a lifetime. The richness of it was unbelievable. The direction He gave for the ministry has been life changing. When I was saved as a youngster, I didn't become a Christian because of Calvary or because God was the great Creator or the Holy Spirit was the perfect Teacher; I came to Jesus because I heard He would be my Friend. That friendship has been the foundation and basis of my salvation and walk with Him. Yes, the revelation of Calvary, the revolution of an empty tomb, the authority and power of the blood, the Holy Spirit's abiding and the knowledge of an Eternal Maker, our God, the Giver of Life all came to me in time as I grew in age and spirit. But, that friendship, it just grows sweeter every day. The Word of God says that a friend sticks closer than a brother and Jesus has been that Friend to me. May we forever be at peace holding hope, patiently waiting for Him; because He will never fail.
In 2002 when I began writing "The Prayer of Job" my life turned into a contradiction of affections. Most everyone who had loved me turned away in gross unfaithfulness and denial of heart and friendship. My heart was broken and there was no answer to be given. God had orchestrated it and so I must submit to that pain trusting Him in it. I asked what I did wrong and nobody could tell me, just "get away." I asked the Lord what was happening and He said, well, you are writing this book on forgiveness aren't you? Now forgive them and bless them right here in the middle of your pain! With His help I was able to. A year later they all repented and asked forgiveness and couldn't understand what got into them!
In 2004 when I began writing "The Prayer of Moses," once again trial and trauma found my address. It was as if the enemy was shouting at me, "You can't do that, I'll make you pay if you try!" Well, I can and I will because Jesus already paid.
There is this thing I call "Gossip from Hell." Gossip is defined by Mr. Webster as: “a rumor or report of an intimate nature.” Basically it is either a lie or something that is none of your business. When God made me, it was an intimate act. He surrounded me with His love and deposited His heart and spirit into mine. The devil has no business touching anything that has to do with my body; he can’t pull that idea off alone, unless I let him. If God allows it, then I’ll allow it, but only then.
In 2005, when the specialist declared that I had a brain tumor, it just didn’t set right with me. It felt like I was hearing gossip from the Doctor; a lie! I got mad at him and demanded another CAT Scan in two days. In those two days I asked God what my reality was. If my reality was this brain tumor, I would take it, but I had to know if this was a trick of the devil or an opportunity of the Lord. So, I went to prayer and asked the Lord for the truth. I told him, “If this is the dress you bought me for the party, I will wear it. I don’t really like it and it doesn’t seem to fit, but if you bought it, I’ll wear it. It’s about three sizes too small and orange, I just don’t do orange very well; but, if you want me to wear it, I shall. We will go to the party and I will dance with you all night if you want me to. But I have to know that you picked this out for me, then I will submit. If you didn’t go shopping, then in your name, I will peel this pain and disease off of me…….. I just have to know, I must know……. I can’t make a move until I do.”
Moving when you don’t know where you are going is dangerous. It can bring wounded faith because you prayed for something out of God’s will or out of step with His heart and He will not answer that prayer. He is only obligated to answer the prayers that come from Him within us, any other answer can lead to destruction as it did for King Hezekiah. Be Still and know that I am God, means to be still and hear what He is saying and what He’s trying to accomplish in a situation.
I waited 35 years to be healed of Cystic Fibrosis and I’m aware that sometimes people get sick and die, other times they get a miracle and rise up, and yet still there are those times when we get a process and must walk through it learning to trust the Lord along the way as He “builds us.” In all these things I have learned that I must never run to my “rights” but run to the Lord. No matter what you are going through, your need just may be your answer! It may be the very thing that draws you closer to Him. Jude said to CONTEND FOR THE FAITH! But, we must know what that faith is dictating before we can contend!
If we can’t agree with God, then we agree with the devil, hold his hand and shout at heaven, “you are wrong God and not big enough.” Our behavior often speaks those words, even though our mouth never moves.
In the midst of my search for truth, the Lord revealed to me, for it was the only revelation that brought peace, that this was a trick of satan himself. I have had other truths told to me by the Lord that I didn’t want to hear, but they were covered in His peace, which is an indicator of God’s revelation and truth. If you are unsettled and unsure, go the way of Peace, for surely God resides there. Even if it is something that you don’t want to hear or an outfit that you really don’t want to wear, if He, the Holy One, is calling us to come, how can we not go that way? It’s a level of trust that we must walk in if we expect to ever get out of Midian and conquer Egypt.
Once I had this knowledge that the enemy had waged war upon me, the doctor called and I suppose the enemy thought this would cause me to slide down into a depression covered with despair, but it had the opposite effect. The doctor didn’t know, nobody did, because I kept it to myself; but I had many symptoms of the Cystic Fibrosis, after being healed for more than a decade, return. The Lord didn't tell me to share my need, He told me to take it to Him and sit with Him, so I did. These symptoms had been agonizing me for a month or so, and the Lord gave me the strength to just keep rising up every day and keep my traveling schedule. The doctor told me, “This brain tumor is a result of the Cystic Fibrosis and the Chronic Sinusitis is a sign that it has returned. He then began to count down all the other symptoms that I could expect (which had already arrived, unknown to him) and that was it. I got mad. I hung up the phone and the devil’s worst nightmare came upon him. The Lord said to me, “What do you believe?” I believe the report of the Lord! Sometimes the “report of the Lord” agrees with the doctor’s report, this wasn’t one of those times. I’ve had a big chunk of my lung surgically removed, I know what it’s like when the Lord agrees with the Doctor. But, like I said, this wasn’t one of those times! So, I shall “contend for the faith” because “I know whom I have believed!” I began to tell the enemy to go and command the symptoms to go as well. The enemy shouted at me that the pain would increase if I continued, and it did; but I decided that pain never really killed anybody!
Jesus prevailed and within two hours I was totally well. I went into take another CAT Scan before I caught a flight to preach and when I got back, there was a message on my phone that said, “The CAT Scan is totally normal!” There ya go!
I had not been able to sleep laying down for three years because when I did the pain behind my eye and in my head was unbearable. It felt like I had a knife stuck in my eye. It had been two weeks since the Lord removed the tumor and took all my symptoms and pain away; those two weeks at the end of 2004 without pain and being able to sleep laying down were wonderful. Then the some symptoms came back and the battle was on. The enemy whispered in my ear, "If you lay down, the pain will be horrible and your brain could explode." Well, I decided then and there that I was not playing his game anymore, so I shouted, "Pain never killed anyone and if my brains explode that's fine, because I'll be in heaven AND I won't have to clean up the mess! Keep away from me in the name of Jesus!" My symptoms and pain immediately left and have not returned!
Contending for the faith is almost like training a dog. You know how when you tell them to “sit and stay,” they always try to get up? It’s like that! You just have to keep one eye on them to make sure they are behaving themselves. The devil will learn, yes he will. He is not stealing what the Lord is doing in me. He cannot get me to agree with him for I have chosen to agree with God, no matter what that cost and no matter what that looks like. You too can take your trouble and pain and ask Him what the truth is and then contend for that faith in trust.
Ephesians 6:10-18 “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.” When this scripture is telling me to “be strong” it is saying: “You have been made able and are empowered.” “Power” means Dominion and “Dominion” means Authority. “Might” means: Forceful Ability.
There is a power that has no authority. The power the enemy has holds no authority. God’s power and the power He gives to us, holds all authority for it has dominion over all things. Adam had Dominion (or authority) over everything, he gave it away. The Bible says that things would fear Noah (as he got off the ark), dominion is not mentioned….. we are to take the dominion back from satan in the name of Jesus; that is moving in our authority in Christ. But, we must know what that dominion is and not tell God His business, but submit to His.
If you are at a basketball game, perhaps the player is full of power and ability. Let us say that he is seven feet tall and he is a star player, making all the points. The referee is only five feet tall and kind of scrawny, not able to hurt anybody if he had to! Yet, when the player fouls in all of his massive structure, the little referee will come over looking like an insect compared to him and command him to go sit down and the player will oblige. If he doesn’t oblige, his penalty is worse and eventually will be thrown out of the game; all because this little referee with no physical power compared to his said so! Why? Because the player had power, but the referee had authority over that power! We are that referee as we take back the dominion of the devil in the name of Jesus at the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
Ephesians 6:16 “Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.”
What is a shield of faith? “Shield is the size of a door and faith means to be constant in your conviction! Not small or wavering!
If I’m supposed to avoid fiery darts, I want to know what they are! "A Fiery Dart" is “A missile, spear or arrow ignited with anger, grief and lust.” No Wonder That Hurt!! The devil has a powerful weapon and he is fueling it with his anger toward you, but only has the authority to do so, when God says or when we say! God will do what God will do and we may have to wear that orange suit from time to time for His glory so he can bring triumph through tragedy by the way we glorify Him through our pain, BUT IF WE let the enemy maintain his dominion and take authority over our lives when the Lord has told us to fight, we will lose more than we bargained for.
If we can believe the report of the Lord, then we can fight for His causes, whether they be in us or someone else! When we believe the report of the Lord, we are agreeing with God and that brings abundance into our life and favor in many forms!
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In 2005, as The Revival Center grew out of it’s space, we built another one and miracle after miracle allowed us to accomplish all the Lord had set in front of us to do. A leadership team, staff and pack of preachers who love to be at the feet of Jesus, maintaining purity and yielding to the Lord would steady the helm of my life that was about to suffer a jolt. Their years of training would allow them to confidently grab hold of the wheel and with the Lord’s help, steer the ship that the Lord was keeping afloat. Now that they were ready, I would go back out preaching Revival here and abroad. Then, as my body was gaining strength and my spirit was surely soaring, our boy was stricken with Leukemia.
In 2006, my beloved son, Donny, began the journey into Glory to live out eternity with his Father. Too many trips to UCSF to count. Living near San Francisco for a year after his Bone Marrow Transplant. Constant emergencies along with constant revelations and visions. We would do daily Bible Studies when he was well enough and created a Donny Patrol for friends and family to come love on him at increments.
I cancelled my traveling speaking engagements and was there for my boy. Only leaving on Friday nights to preach and Sunday mornings to preach or assist. His wife, Amy, was a champion, during this time, as we shared caretaker responsibilities.
I was abusing my body horribly during this time; but I would not delegate motherhood. I don’t think anyone would. I slept maybe 10 to 15 hours a week for these 3 ½ years, except for his 6 months of remission. The Lord was kind enough to hold off the natural course of destruction that would happen to someone who did this. I was tired, but I was strong.
During this time in hospitals, we would meet incredible people, some would encourage and other needed encouragement. When he was quite ill and had to be admitted, which was often, my boy would look at me and say “Get your fishing pole, Ma” and that was code for: “Take me in.” The Graft versus Host Disease that Bone Marrow Transplant patients must have for a time after the transplant got out of hand and took over. They say if you go 100 days without symptoms after the Transplant, that you will, more than likely, be okay. Right around day 94 he developed a cough. A cough that would never leave until he became a Citizen of Heaven. I was alone with him the day he passed away. I thought I was checking him into the hospital for a two or three month run, as always. But, he became tragically ill. I called the family. Within moments of their arrival, he was gone.
The Leukemia did not take him, the Graft vs. Host disease did. Holes had been blown thru his lungs and this is why all the oxygen machines at home would not help my gasping boy.
We had the privilege of a long goodbye and we suffer this loss, but under the blood that was shed at the cross. In pain, but not grief stricken, for we have given it to Jesus. I miss my boy, but rejoice that he is safe. We had a 3 1/2 year battle with Leukemia........ and we won with the Lord's help just nine days short of his 29th birthday on March 4, 2010, with a wink and a smile. We won, because his spirit was soaring when he left. In fact, three hours before he would go, he said to me, “Hey Ma, do you see those angels dressed in gold? I think they are here for me!” My mother’s heart shouted deep within, “yes, the Lord will heal him in the midnight hour.” And, really, why wouldn’t I think that? But he knew, Donny knew. Such great pain he endured, for so long… every endeavoring to show “God as big in him”. Before they intubated him, his last words to me were: “Do, you think I have pleased the Lord, is there anything left for me to do? “I told him he was a Champion and if Jesus calls him home, to go!” He, with great pain and effort, gave me sentences to tell his wife, his sister, brother-in-law and Dad. Then he told me things that every Mother would purchase if she could. Thoughtful to the end this boy. They wheeled him away and off he went.
Donald Angelo Querin was even more abundant when he left than when he came.... and we are grateful and give God the glory for allowing this lion-hearted Man of God to dwell here on the earth. Martin and I are blessed to call him son and his wife is blessed call him husband and his sister is blessed to call him brother..... and all those across the nation who held his amazing heart in prayer... and you even now, as you read his story will be blessed to call him friend as you browse through his precious life here on the web.”
Please go to donnysjourney.com (Donny's Journey through Leukemia) to view his memorial service, listen to the audio and read the full account of the angelic visit before he left, read the last two years' journal his Mama kept and be provoked to greatness by the words he has written.... and much more, all to the glory of God because a man knew how to bend to the will of God..... with great bravery that ushered him into courage.
Part of believing is holding on! Holding on for what the Lord says, not what we say or demand. What He says! Hold on and may all your days be full of the pleasure of trusting Him......... as it is spoken, In sickness and health, for richer or poorer..... May you always know the One who is married to your soul and enjoy the magnitude of His great love for you. Grace to move in Jesus and Peace to enjoy each moment!
“Please go to donnysjourney.com (Donny's Journey through Leukemia) to view his memorial service, listen to the audio and read the full account of the angelic visit before he left, read the last two years' journal his Mama kept and be provoked to greatness by the words he has written.... and much more, all to the glory of God because a man knew how to bend to the will of God..... with great bravery that ushered him into courage.
Part of believing is holding on! Holding on for what the Lord says, not what we say or demand. What He says! Hold on and may all your days be full of the pleasure of trusting Him......... as it is spoken, In sickness and health, for richer or poorer..... May you always know the One who is married to your soul and enjoy the magnitude of His great love for you. Grace to move in Jesus and Peace to enjoy each moment!”
From 2010 to 2020 was a decade of managing grief and a downward spiral of my health. Within months of Donny going on, I began to vomit uncontrollably and then pass out. Contracting terrible lung and bronchial infections. The doctors could not figure out what it was for three years, then it was determined that I had Systemic Mastocytosis. There was no controlling it and no cure. I would wake up in the middle of the night in full anaphylactic shock and seizures. None of the rules of managing it would work on me. I followed all the horrible nutrition rules and it only helped a little. But, if a little was all I could get, I would take it.
If I got a cut, it would almost immediately turn it to Cellulitis and strep and staph infection on the wound. I will leave most of the other details out, because really, what is the point? Suffice it to say, that learning how to war over my body, early on in my life served me well at this time. I started traveling to speak again, usually in great pain and trial. My husband asked me to stop, so I did.
Whenever I would “take my turn” to speak at The Revival Center, I regularly would tell someone, as I was feeling like I had to faint as I rushed into the bathroom to vomit…. If I am not out in 15 minutes have…. somebody preach! I feel like we gave the devil a black eye over and over again until, eventually, he could not get up again.
In 2018 at our annual women’s weekend event, Queen Camp, I was supernaturally healed. 125 Women gathered around me and asked Jesus for a Favor. He gave it. I have not had an episode since that day. Beautiful Jesus
In 2020 when CoVid came to visit, the world went crazy. We stood firm. We did not close the church because how on earth could we CLOSE GOD’S HOUSE? That made no sense. The newspaper did articles and television came with their crazy mixed up agenda. I got hate mail and death threats. Religious people told me that I needed to obey the “Law of the Land.” I told them that I AM obeying the Law of the Land… The Constitution of the United States ! My Leadership Team said they expected nothing less and stood firm. The Lord protected us on every front.
I never got CoVid and I suppose if anybody should have, it should have been me. My body was still recovering from the years of terror and trial. But it seems, when God does a thing…. He really does it ! We sailed through the year endeavoring to instill peace, faith and hope into those who would wander in broken hearted from their churches closing. It was a very difficult thing to see.
Since the beginning of 2021 I have been traveling the country again, working with pastors to bring Revival to our land. How amazing our Lord is that He will bring such Comfort out of Chaos and such Beauty for Ashes.
It is my great hope and desire that you have been encouraged in these pages. Thank you for taking the time to linger here.
Your friend in the bonds of Calvary,
"I will love thee, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid. The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me. In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.
Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth. There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured: coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down: and darkness was under his feet. And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly: yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind.
He made darkness his secret place; his pavilion round about him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies. At the brightness that was before him his thick clouds passed, hail stones and coals of fire.
The LORD also thundered in the heavens, and the Highest gave his voice; hail stones and coals of fire. Yea, he sent out his arrows, and scattered them; and he shot out lightnings, and discomfited them. Then the channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the world were discovered at thy rebuke, O LORD, at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils. He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.
He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me. They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay. He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.
The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me. For I have kept the ways of the LORD, and have not wickedly departed from my God. For all his judgments were before me, and I did not put away his statutes from me. I was also upright before him, and I kept myself from mine iniquity. Therefore hath the LORD recompensed me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his eyesight. With the merciful thou wilt shew thyself merciful; with an upright man thou wilt shew thyself upright; with the pure thou wilt shew thyself pure; and with the froward thou wilt shew thyself froward. For thou wilt save the afflicted people; but wilt bring down high looks. For thou wilt light my candle: the LORD my God will enlighten my darkness. For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall. As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.
For who is God save the LORD? or who is a rock save our God? It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect. He maketh my feet like hinds' feet, and setteth me upon my high places. He teacheth my hands to war, so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms.
Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great. Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip. I have pursued mine enemies, and overtaken them: neither did I turn again till they were consumed. I have wounded them that they were not able to rise: they are fallen under my feet. For thou hast girded me with strength unto the battle: thou hast subdued under me those that rose up against me. Thou hast also given me the necks of mine enemies; that I might destroy them that hate me. They cried, but there was none to save them: even unto the LORD, but he answered them not. Then did I beat them small as the dust before the wind: I did cast them out as the dirt in the streets.
Thou hast delivered me from the strivings of the people; and thou hast made me the head of the heathen: a people whom I have not known shall serve me. As soon as they hear of me, they shall obey me: the strangers shall submit themselves unto me. The strangers shall fade away, and be afraid out of their close places.
The LORD liveth; and blessed be my rock; and let the God of my salvation be exalted.
It is God that avengeth me, and subdueth the people under me. He delivereth me from mine enemies: yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man. Therefore will I give thanks unto thee, O LORD, among the heathen, and sing praises unto thy name.
Great deliverance giveth he to his king; and sheweth mercy to his anointed, to David, and to his seed for evermore."
If you have concerns regarding a woman pastoring, there are articles in the Resource section.